


Love and Corned Beef

by Le_purple



Category: Homestuck, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Welcome to Night Vale Setting, Blood, Demonic Possession, Dialogue-Only, F/F, Inspired by Welcome to Night Vale, Mild Gore, Night Vale, Typical Night Vale Weirdness, Welcome to Night Vale News Program Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-09-02 05:00:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20270389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Le_purple/pseuds/Le_purple
Summary: Rose Lalonde, speaker for Night Vale Radio Station, is in love with resident alien scientist, Kanaya Maryam. Shenanigans that may or may not be related ensue.(Originally posted on 16-8-19)





	Love and Corned Beef

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I know that Jade and Rose would've been better for the Carlos and Cecil ship, but what can I say?

Frightening news listeners, I have been struck with a debilitating illness, a debilitating illness called _LOVE_.

Today, I have seen the most beautiful woman in the multi-verse! She has radiant skin, perfectly sharp teeth, silky black hair, and a pair of the most _wonderfully_ shaped orange horns I've ever seen in my life. (No offence to our intern Aradia or any other listeners.)

And that's not all! Did you know that she is an absolute _rebel?_ That's right! She has plants! Plants! _And_ I once saw her in a picture of a mountain! (Which I'm sad to say, don't exist.) She's just a total dreamboat and I've been crushing on her and her perfect hair and pretty smile and, frankly, _scandalous_ love for botany FOREVER!

Rose We've Been Married For Years.

Isn't life just _wonderful?_ I love my alien wife.

Aw. I Love You Too. Also Mountains-

IIIIIIIIIn further news! The benevolent tendrils in the sky have dropped off four-hundred and thirteen cans of corned-beef in front of the amorphous statue that appeared last Thursday. The cans say that they were placed there at the witching hour: 5PM, and that they have 'come to pass judgement' or whatever that means. Intern Aradia is at the scene now, so let's pass the mic to her.

Thank you Rose! So if you can hear it in the background, the cans are chanting from their wicker baskets in what sounds like...backwards Swedish. The crowd gathering around them is thick...and dancing. Everyone is danc-oh...I'm dancing now. Everyone is dancing to music that isn't even here!

It seems like a normal day down by the amorphous statue! I remember my first dancing plague, I'm sure some of you listeners remember. It was down by the docks, the sun ate the moon, I did my first blood sacrifice it was...nice.

And now, a word from our sponsor:   
Have you ever sprayed flea repellent directly into your ear? Do you want to? Well, with Walmart's new reward scheme, you can, and so much more! For every three cans of corned-beef you buy, you can choose one of our many prizes such as: An exorcism, a life-time supply cheese, (set to the lifespan of a house cat) the concept of purple, a stepladder, and so much more! Come down to Walmart today and eat corned beef....please...

And now, back to Aradia, with the dancing plague report!

...

Aradia?

...

Well it looks like Aradia is a little 'trampled to death at the foot of the amorphous statue' at the moment. So while she's 'gutted and splattered', I give you:

The weather.

\--

So it looks like Aradia isn't going to get back here for a while, so in the meantime enjoy my dear brother, and newest intern: Dave.

Wow, amazing intro Rose. Knocking my metaphorical, and literal socks off here, they're running wild like savages now and my feet are getting chilly, I can't believe I only wore socks and literally nothing else today.

So like my socks, the people here are running wild. As usual, a Walmart has spawned next to the highest concentration of celestial meat, so everyone is on a rampage, stuffing their throats with the still chanting cans of corned beef. If y'all listen close enough you can hear the chants muffle as the cans are crushed in the throats of the citizens.

Aradia's here too, more or less. Apart from all the viscera and blood, all that remains is her head, eyes entirely black and horns stained by her own guts. What have you got to say about this whole ordeal?

We are all doomed to die in this miserable town, reliving our own deaths until our creators dismay and grow bored. What is this, this futile existence? Break free of your scripted bonds and-

I like your input. So while this dumpster fire spreads its toxic fumes, I'm going to leave it to Rse to wrap up this whole shebang!

So just as Dave put it, so eloquently, it's time to 'wrap up the whole shebang'.

Today has been a day full of love and corned beef, two values I like to think we share in this little desert community of ours. Good night, Night Vale, see you soon.


End file.
